Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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