Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
