kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
