i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
