All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
