Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
