if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize