i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I smell like Dick and happiness
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