I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
