haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
