I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
