why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
