how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
