garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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