I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
