Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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