fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
