I didn't shave. On purpose
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
