I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
