Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
