There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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