i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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