Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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