i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
