Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
