when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
