i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
