just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
