how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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