Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
