Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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