"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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