just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
