Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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