Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
