Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
