I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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