Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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