Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
