i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
