You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
