why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
