is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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