i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
