There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
