Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
