Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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