i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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