im six kinds of drunk right now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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