is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
