I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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