Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
