So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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