I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
