YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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