the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
