i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
