Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
