Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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