"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
