But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize