She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
