Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
