I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
