Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
