how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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